Post #2: I declare war on the traffic lights

This is the Los Angeles patented technique of making a left hand turn:

1. Position your car into the left hand turn lane (if available).
2. Wait for light to turn green.
3. Once the light is green, move your car halfway into the intersection.
4. Wait for light to turn red.
5. Make your left turn.

There are some variations upon this rule. For example, if there is a car in front of you, you pray to God that they are aware of the patented Los Angeles technique of making a left hand turn. Otherwise, you're stuck for another light cycle and the good for nothing mother fucker* in front of you that has not moved an inch into the intersection makes the light once they realize that the it's about to turn red. This rule is reserved for tourists and the newly arrived. The latter group will learn this rule very quick.

There's also the Cool Guy Rule.  The Cool Guy is the lead car who, once he notices there are other cars behind him wanting to also turn left, inches as far into the intersection as possible as to allow at least two more cars to make the light. The Cool Guy is a legend in his own mind. The other drivers have no time to think about how cool Cool Guy is as they are simultaneously thinking, "Yes! I made the light!" and "Holy shit! ** I hope the oncoming traffic doesn't hit me!"

Sure, there's other odd left hand turn rules across the country. Like the San Francisco left hand turn (three right hand turns, then go straight) and the Boston left hand turn (six rights, a left, a right, run over the pedestrian, four more rights, a roundabout and two lefts), but Los Angeles is the most perplexing of them all.

Los Angeles has very few protected left hand turn signals.

I can't figure out why that is. It's not my position to figure this out, really. I'm  just here to bitch and moan about it in the hopes that someone will either have a sympathetic ear or automatically install several thousand protected left hand turn signals over night. Since Captain LADOT is just an idea I have for a comic book, I've come to the conclusion that we're all stuck with the Los Angeles patented technique of making a left hand turn for quite some time.

I do need to at least request one thing from Captain LADOT ("Saving Los Angeles from the nefarious Evil Pothole!") that I think would be beneficial. That is, if the city of Los Angeles is going to install any protected lights at all, could you at least install them at the entrance into a hospital? I only ask this because I split my head open a couple years ago.***  Thankfully, my girlfriend drove me to the hospital as I was trying to stop the bleeding with an Ikea dish town (the best 59 cents ever spent, by the way).  We happened to notice that there wasn't a protected light while attempting a left hand turn into Kaiser from Sunset Blvd. Emergencies are kinda important.

Thankfully she already knew the Los Angeles patented technique of making a left hand turn.
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* I only curse like that when driving. The term "talks like a sailor" needs to be updated to "talks like an Angeleno in during rush hour."

 ** See above.

*** I've feared dollies from U-Haul ever since.